Nothing Is Unusable
Is it possible He doesn’t want me to put my hard moments behind me—because He's using the pieces to make a masterpiece of my mess?
Fifteen years ago this past Wednesday, we were on the last boat ride of our last day of family vacation on Canandaigua Lake.
Instead of leaving for home the next morning, however, I found myself in a multi-hour surgery, receiving a rod in my femur and waking to two casts—one on each leg.
After two weeks in the hospital, two months in casts, and another month of physical therapy, I was finally able to return home. And I was able to walk again (sans crutches) about six months later. It was another six months or so before I could run again. And it’s been a long journey of ups and downs ever since.
One thing you learn about traumatic injuries is they never quite go away—not fully. You might heal, but your post-trauma body is not the same. Aches and pains and modifications and limitations will follow you the rest of your life. Not to mention the emotional toll the event takes—for a long time, my entire body would sweat anytime I was in a doctor’s office. I’ve had panic attacks on the interstate. It seems that no matter how much therapy (physical and otherwise) that I do, this moment never quite goes away.
I started reading Isaiah this week and found this snippet (from the introduction in The Message version) encouraging:
“The impressive art of Isaiah involves taking the stuff of our ordinary and often disappointing human experience and showing us how it is the very stuff that God uses to create and save and give hope. As this vast panorama opens up before us, it turns out that nothing is unusable by God. He uses everything and everybody as material for his work, which is the remaking of the mess we have made of our lives.” (p. 912)
Nothing is unusable by God. I like this idea, partially because so much in my life just feels like an obstacle—something to overcome. Being slammed into a boat dock. Being cheated on by a spouse. These pivotal moments didn’t feel like anything but a mess. These were moments to overcome, to conquer, to get past and put behind me. And yet, they follow me, even fifteen years later.
I can’t shake the baggage they have come with, not fully. I still carry pain and hurt and fear and loss.
Nothing is unusable by God.
In other words, He can make something of my mess. Is it possible, then, that He doesn’t want me to overcome these moments (not fully)? Is it possible He wants me to continue carrying pieces of my trauma because He is making something of them? Is it possible He is using them to create some kind of masterpiece that I may never fully see but that He is piecing together nonetheless?
Nothing is unusable by God.
This is true of the pivotal moments, but also of those moments that bring pain simply because they’re so “ordinary” or “disappointing.” Moments like not getting sleep, again, because your one-year-old just won’t give it up. Moments like getting another medical bill when just finished paying one off. Moments like having your plane delayed again and again, and finally, it’s canceled until the morning, and you’re given a hotel voucher . . . but there are no more rooms.
Nothing is unusable by God.
Life has its sharp turns and steep grades; it also has long stretches of seemingly empty, will-we-ever-get-there highway.
It’s comforting to know: God can use it all.
Lord, today, give me eyes to see Your vision for my life. Help me not to pray just to “overcome” or “put away” my experiences—even the traumatic ones, even the ordinary ones, even the disappointing ones. Help me to see how You might be using those moments to remake me. And help me to have hope no matter the circumstance—not hope that the circumstance will get better or go away or fully improve. But hope in You. Hope that no matter what pieces of life stick to me—and no matter what happens today or tomorrow—You are here and You are working and You are good and You love me, and Lord, nothing is usable for You.
Great post Sister Rachel! Although you went through much traumas with the accident and former spouse, the fact that God used those events to enact a radical change and qualifying event in your life is nothing short of miraculous! Keep spreading the good word and amazing insights that God can use anything!